Let’s talk about making friends.
During the pandemic, most of my best friends moved. For the first time in my life, I felt lonely. I also felt a little embarrassed – maybe I’d done something wrong to push people away.
Have you felt this too? Or maybe you’ve read about the importance of relationships and healthy aging. Science says this: “Strong social connections are linked to lower stress levels, better mental health, and improved physical health outcomes. People with close friends report higher satisfaction in their lives.”
Ok …. but how do we make friends when they move away, or we move away, or we don’t have kids when everyone else does, or we do have kids when no one else does, or we’re busy caregiving or overcoming a major setback?
Here’s what I did.
1) If you feel shame about not feeling as connected as you’d like, work through those thoughts and feelings. They aren’t true; they bring you down and don’t make you feel like socializing. Try the meditation I shared a while back.
2) Get involved! Here are 5 ideas, including the ones I utilized:
- Take a training. I did a yoga teacher training to meet like-minded people. It worked—I made a friend! Her name is Mallory, and she’s lovely. I also built relationships with excellent yoga teachers and students in the studio, whom I now enjoy seeing every Saturday morning.
- Volunteer. I got involved in local politics. I joined a group organizing people in my community to make positive change. I started going to City Hall to make public comments on topics I cared about. It was fun and gratifying when we won!
- Join a board. Kill two birds with one stone by joining a board. It’s great professional experience, and you’ll meet other people passionate about similar causes. I’m on the board of the Sausalito Center for the Arts, which is intellectually stimulating and gives me a steady stream of inspiring events to attend in my community.
- Join a 12 step group. I can’t scream loud enough how wildly valuable 12-step groups are. They’re free, full of wisdom, and deeply soothing. If you’ve ever struggled with addiction, codependency, another person’s addiction, eating, overworking, or depression – there’s a group for you! I attend one every Saturday morning, and those humans are like family.
- Host dinner parties. Or extend invitations to go out for dinner, coffee, or a walk. Assume people want to get to know you and spend time with you. They will be delighted to receive an invitation.
3) Reach out to friends and family.
- Facetime. Resist the urge to postpone this and reach out to a friend or family member once a week.
- Plan your visits for next year. Scheduling is difficult, and plane tickets can be expensive. Decide who you want to see in 2025, and book your trips now.
- Write a letter. My friend Thekla inspired a new tradition I’m starting this year: writing holiday greeting cards to the people I love. (Thank you again for your cards, Thekla! They make my heart sing.)
What’s on your list? Team sports, maybe? A pickleball league? Book clubs? Get out there and have some FUN!
Tis the season for building community and friendship.
Kit
