“It’s ok to feel scared. It’s understandable you’d feel that way. You’re incredibly brave for trying new things. I deeply acknowledge your willingness. I love you.”
Terms like self-care and self-compassion get thrown around a lot, and it’s easy to tune them out. But these two ideas hold the keys to feeling better on demand.
Today, we’re discussing the difference between them and how to practice self-compassion specifically since it’s less understood than self-care.
To drastically simplify the ideas, you can think of self-care as a ‘doing’ activity and self-compassion as a ‘being’ activity. (Hat tip Thekla Brumder Ross, PsyD)
1) Self-care is an action you take based on your wants, needs, and cultural suggestions, like taking a bath when you’re tired or going to yoga after work. Think healthy eating, exercise, and getting to bed on time.
2) Self-compassion is how you engage with yourself in the moment. If you’re upset, do you slow down and comfort yourself? Or do you ignore your feelings and maybe distract yourself from them?
Here’s an example to illustrate what engaging with yourself looks like. This morning, I woke up with doubtful Debbie in my mind. This part never thinks I’m good enough; she’s certain I won’t make money (even though I made thousands literally last week…), and she NEVER thinks I know what I’m doing. Ever.
If I let her drive, we’d go straight to the overworked drive-through, and she’d obsess her little heart out. Her overdoing would produce fewer results, and she’d be exhausted at the end.
Nowadays, I take doubtful Debbie’s hand and say to her, “It’s ok to feel scared. It’s understandable you’d feel that way. You’re incredibly brave for trying new things. I deeply acknowledge your willingness. I love you.” She starts to soften. She feels seen. She feels acknowledged. And she chills out! Sweet girl just needed a little love and encouragement.
The distinction between self-compassion and self-care was one Dr. Thekla and I discussed at length during our talk about social media a few weeks back. If you want to learn more about the topic, check out her Daily Dose of Self-Compassion notes on LinkedIn or listen to/read Kristen Neff’s book, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
If you focus on developing just one new skill in 2025, consider mastering the art of comforting and nurturing yourself. It unlocks everything else and will explode your growth (and give you the good feels!)
Love you!
Kit
