I’ll be honest. I was dreading this holiday season and still feel a little nervous about it. The residue of past negative experiences around the holidays, combined with the current reality of aging parents, wasn’t making me want to deck the halls. I realized I was looking at December and thinking, ‘I just don’t want to do this.’
That moment became a cue for me to ask myself, “Well, what do you want?” Whenever I notice feelings of dread or self-pity, I allow myself those feelings, but then redirect to asking myself what I need or want.
This made me realize I didn’t want to fly across the country (again) to see my mom. I needed a break from the assisted living facility. I wanted to decorate a holiday tree with my fiancé and enjoy creating our own rituals, but I still wanted to see my mom. One thing led to another, and now both our families are coming to us for the holidays, and we’ve decided to host a family-only engagement party. So good, right?
Now I’ve got Pinterest boards full of decorating ideas, a calendar with fun family ideas for the season, plans to get my hair and makeup done for our engagement party (
), and genuine excitement for what’s ahead. Voila!
Here’s a rundown of how I did this and the practices I’m doubling down on – hopefully some of these prove useful as you take responsibility for your holiday experience:
1) Make a desire list. How do you want your holidays to go? What feelings do you want to have? What experiences sound yummy? For me: ice skating, making our own wrapping paper, decorating cookies, and going to Grace Cathedral.
2) Anticipate what’s going to be hard and fortify yourself. I need sleep, space, time to decompress, lots of al anon meetings, prayer, and daily inspirational readings. (Today’s reading: When triggered, I will consider the possibility that my teacher or my mirror stands before me. I will ask Spirit to help me perceive their gifts.)
3) Create the traditions you want. What values do you want to express? What meaning do you want to give the holidays? Some ideas: celebrate how you’re donating time or money, practice being as present as possible with family, and grow in cultural inclusivity by reading differing perspectives on the holiday season. For example, consider Wamsutta Frank James’s speech, which was suppressed because it critically addressed the devastating impact of European colonization on the Wampanoag people.
Bottom line – your life and happiness always get to be your responsibility. Ask your inner kid what they’re craving, and douse them in that 🙂
Let’s go December!!
Kit
