Have you ever had days when you were a jerk?
Or maybe your version of ‘jerk’ is being stuck in worry.
Or self-doubt.
Or resentment.
We all have days like this. I had a pretty ‘jerky’ day Sunday, so I’m inspired to share the tool I use to reign in my inner punk.
This one combines practices from The Hoffman Institute, Alyssa Nobriga, and Twelve Step Groups.
Here’s how it works:
1) Consider the self-defeating traits you want to work on. For example, a tendency towards people-pleasing, numbing out, or playing it safe to avoid failure. Others could be lying or exaggerating the truth, obsessive thinking, certainty-seeking, or my personal flavor of this month: being argumentative.
2) Define what you think is the opposite of the trait(s). People Pleasing becomes setting boundaries, numbing out becomes the willingness to sit with discomfort, and certainty-seeking goes to letting go. For argumentative, I’d choose ‘non-combative’ as that hits home more than other potential opposites like being easygoing or even-tempered. The idea is to find the opposite that feels like relief.
3) Track it nightly. For two to four weeks, track whether you indulged in the self-defeating behavior or chose differently in the moment. The goal is to bring awareness so that it’s easier the next day to choose differently. Importantly – even critically! – try not to let this be a way to beat yourself up. We all have coping mechanisms that are less than ideal. It’s totally fine! You are still perfect and lovable.
I’d love to hear what you think if you try it out! I will track for 30 days – reach out if you want to be accountability buddies and come along for the ride.
