Do you ever have moments where you just feel off—irritable, annoyed, impatient etc? Next time it happens, you might check if self-abandonment is the culprit. It’s a top way we self-sabotage without realizing it.
Self-abandonment happens when we repeatedly override our needs. Every time we do, we drain our internal reserves, often leading to a blow-up (or breakdown) later.
Self-abandonment can look like:
- Skipping your morning routine while visiting family to squeeze in more time together
- Taking someone else’s advice over your gut—then realizing it was the wrong call
- Soothing yourself with food or a couple of glasses of wine instead of tuning into what’s really going on
- Ignoring early irritation, telling yourself to just stay present
- Saying yes (or staying longer than you want) out of guilt, fear, or obligation
Self-abandonment has us ignore our own inner voice and march on. We usually justify it with reasonable thoughts—
“I don’t know how long I’ll have with this person; surely exercising isn’t as important as this.”
“This person usually gives great advice, and I tend to get this wrong, so I’ll just follow what they say.”
It’s not necessarily that we think our needs don’t matter—we just get lulled into prioritizing fear over self-trust.
Next time you’re feeling off, try this:
- Look back at the last few days. Where might you have let yourself down?
- Forgive yourself! It’s okay. It’s just data, not a reason to be hard on yourself.
- Decide what you want to do differently next time—and make a small shift.
For example, I’ve realized three days with my family is my sweet spot—and keeping my exercise routine intact while visiting them really helps. Also—no more late flights home. The cost the next day is too high, so I need to plan better and book early. Done!
It doesn’t have to be complicated—just a simple test-and-learn process. Your self-care needs evolve over time. Stay close to what your mind, body, and soul need.
